Middle Earth
by Rockin Chick
Summary: SG-1 goes to Middle earth, and the a DHD crystal is fried. Now what? please R


Title: Middle Earth

Author: Galadriel

Email: 

Spoilers: Umm...Minors for Children of the Gods, Window of Opportunity

Rating: G

Type: general, humor, action (a little)

Disclaimer: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

Author's note: This is my one of my first Fanfic (ever), please email me, and let me know what you think! Response to a challenge.

"You have a go" General Hammond said.

Jack brought his head off his arms, and groaned. A two-hour mission briefing wasn't exactly his idea of a fun day. MALP images showed a lot of trees. His favorite. You'd think some planets would be a little more original. The reason they got to check it out was that there seemed to be a few footprints near the gate. The mission was a simple recon. Look around, talk to people, come home.

As Jack walked toward the mess hall, Sam caught up. They had been planning on lunch for awhile. There was nothing better than a bowl of blue jell-o after the slop the kitchen crew called 'sloppy Joes'.

The mission was scheduled for 12:00, and it was only 11:00. He decided that it was high time to pack. As he looked over his standard equipment, he looked around, making sure he wasn't being watched. Assured that he wasn't, he added a bit of heavy duty bug spray to his pack. On the last forest mission, Jack had managed to get a bug bite on his rear end. He kept getting all kinds of weird looks when it got itchy...

Once he finished packing, it was 11:45. He went to look for Daniel. The archeologist had a bad tendency of forgetting about missions because of his fancy rocks. Jack found Daniel in his lab, working. He had a pack nearby, but was oblivious to everything else.

"Come on Danny-boy. Let's get going." Jack frowned as he realized Daniel still hadn't realized that he was there. "Daniel. Drop the rock. Get moving."

Daniel jumped, looked at his watch, and sighed. "I'm not late yet. And there not rocks, they're artifacts."

"There's a difference?" Jack responded vaguely.

Daniel grumbled and said;" They wouldn't be rocks if they turned out to be one of your big honkin' space guns, now would it?"

"Is it?"

"Well, no. It's a tablet that has a 3d shape, which implies that there might be something in the middle, and I'm trying to translate so I can try to get it open it..." Daniel went on for another few minutes, and then realized Jack had left right after he said 'No'.

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As chevron two locked, one very annoyed Daniel entered the gate room. Sam, Jack and Teal'c were already there. Daniel gave Jack one very evil look, then went and talked to Teal'c. As the stargate opened, Sg-1 gathered at the ramp. It was their hundredth mission. Daniel had been counting.

When they stepped through the gate, they had a very rough ride, then were spat out of the gate a very fast speed, and were thrown to the ground, all losing consciousness. When they regained consciousness, they were surrounded by some very tall knights. There guns were all gone, and their packs were no where to be seen, most likely with the guns.

"How dare you travel on Gondor land, without the queens' blessing?" One said boldly.

"We are peaceful explorers form very far away. We apologize for breaking your customs, please, take us to your city so that we may not break your customs again. " Daniel look very confused as he said that.

As they took off, SG-1 followed them. Jack was worried. He had trying to dial home, but the gate seemed to be burnt out. SG-1 was very confused about what was happening, but all for different reasons. For Jack and Teal'c, it was because the gate wasn't working. For Sam and Daniel....they had realized that the man had said 'Gondor". They were in Middle Earth.

When they arrived in the city of Gondor, They were told to report to the queen, Arabella. Daniel told Jack that she could be a descendant of Aragorn. The queen was confused. She understood that they needed help to get the stargate to work, but had no idea how they could travel without money. While they awaited his return, they would be assigned to have a job in the city, to cover the cost of them being there. There was one catch: They all had to share one small room. They followed a servant to see just how small there room actually was.

As a few minutes of walking, Daniel comment that someone could easily get lost in this castle. The maid unlocked a door to a very small room. There were four bunks, about 1 foot away from each other. Sam was worried how much sleep they would all get, because she had a bad habit of kicking. They were told to wait in there rooms, and a maid would come at suppertime, to show them where to go.

Once they were all very cozily settled on their new 'beds', they started talking about what had happened, and the implications.

Daniel sounded like he was slow: "If this really is Middle Earth, then that means Tolkien was an alien who got money by repeated a countries history. That means this is a world full of hobbits, dwarves and...dragons..."

Jack didn't seem concerned. "Well that's a nice thought...thank you for bringing it up. Although I personally won't mind the hobbit style of eating..."

A maid knocked, and then entered. SG-1 stood up, and stretched. The maid took off towards the banqueting room. SG-1 paused to look out a window. What they saw wasn't what they were expecting. They were expecting something to look at something like New Zealand. What they was...definitely Middle Earth. They were on top of a mountain. Jack hadn't realized that: He had been concentrating on everything but the stairs and the effects of the stairs on his knees. They could see for thousands of miles, even the forest where the gate was, over 20 clicks away. The sun was just setting. It was an amazing view.

The meal was going well. Daniel was staying away from the wine, along with the rest of his team. Jack had tasted it, then gracefully gagged. It tasted like the moonshine Daniel had taught the Abydonian kids to make. Daniel swore he hadn't taught anyone else how to make it.

The queen walked over, and said, "It was brought to my attention that you have not been assigned jobs yet. Please, tell me about yourselves so that I may choose proper jobs for you."

Daniel started. "I'm a linguist. Any ideas?"

The queen smiled. "Yes. We are in need of an English instructor. You will be required to learn Elvin though. All of you. Is that ok?"

They all agreed. Jack went next. "Where we are from, we are...warriors, of a sort. That's what the three of us would like."

"Very well. Tomorrow morning, at dawn, the four of you will come down here for Elvin lessons. Then Daniel, you're going to teach English after lunch. The rest of you will report to the training yard. Do any of you know any swordplay, or archery?"

Sam, slightly red, said, "I know a little archery. I'm not very good, but I can shoot." She ignored the surprised look from Jack.

"When the sun rises, report here." With that, the queen walked out of the room. They took that as their cue to leave. They walked out together, afraid that they were going to get lost. They eventually found their room. When they did, they all lied down.

Later that night, Jack, who had the bunk next to Sam's asked her very quietly (so not to disturb Teal'c or Daniel), "When did you learn archery?"

Sam blushed and said, "I'll tell you if you swear not to tell anyone else."

"Cross my heart and hope to die!"

"You will if you repeat this! Anyways, when I was 6, my mom signed me up for Girl Guides. I was in it for a few years. When I was 13, I joined Pathfinders, the group for the older girls. The first time I met them, them being the older cooler girls, I wanted to be like them. Jack started snickering So when the time came for me to try the cooking badge, I was given a weeks' notice, and was given the recipe. I decided to try the recipe at home. I really don't want to get into the details, but the firefighters were able to get the fire under control after an hour, and the house survived. After that, Dad switched me to Scouts, the same kind of program, but usually for boys. At the first camp—"

"Cut to the chase Carter!" Jack interrupted impatiently.

Sam sighed. "As I was saying, Mr. I-have-a-really-short-attention-span, that at my first camp, the guys brought some archery gear. We shot for hours. I'm sure you can see where this is going..."

"Please...Enlighten me."

"Well, at the next camp, I kinda missed the target...my dad happened to be not far enough away. It was his fault really...He was delivering the coffee, and the arrow I shot went right through his coffee cup. After that, he told me to quit."

A burst of laughter erupted from Jack and Daniel. Teal'c just raised one eyebrow, and tilted his head. After that, they talked about embarrassing childhood moments. Who could have known that Sam almost burnt her house down while trying to cook macaroni and cheese?

Light filled the room. What Sg-1 hadn't realized was that Middle Earth had two suns that rose at the same time, from north and east, and that they had a room on the corner of the castle, and with very big castles. Jack woke up first. When he got out of bed, and looked at his team, he almost laughed. Sam's hair was really messy, and she was drooling onto her 'pillow'. During the night, Daniel had fallen between the space between his and Jack's bed, and Teal'c looked remotely serious attempting to Kel'nor'eem. Jack couldn't help it. He brought his disposable camera from his BDU's, took a picture, then put the camera away, and walked over to Sam's ear.

"GOOD MORNING!" He yelled into her ear. Sam rolled over and grumbled.

"Thanks for the...wake up call...Why's my pillow wet?"

Jack grinned and said, "believe it or not Carter, but you drool." She had the funniest expression on her face: a mix between 'where's the coffee,' 'what? Its morning?' and 'Please tell me that you're joking'.

Daniel, Jack and even Teal'c seemed to pick up the language really easily. At the end of the first lesson, they were almost flawless. Sam was also getting it, just not as fast. It was remotely similar to French.

Daniel went off to start his language lessons, and Jack, Sam and Teal'c went off to the practice grounds, which turned out to be near the bottom of the city. The Sword Master was prating along to the people, who were mostly young children.

"Sir, if you don't mind my asking, why was Elvin so easy for you, but so hard for me? I'm not saying that you're slow; you just aren't always....the first one to pick stuff up..."

Jack smiled rather smugly. "Elvin is another name for Latin. And as you know, Daniel has always been fluent in Latin, and Teal'c and I picked it up in the time loop, a month or two back... "

A voice called out and interrupted them. "You two. The adults who are talking. You know everything I'm talking about do you? Come up here and prove it! This is a test of armed and unarmored combat."

Jack and Sam went and took the swords offered to them by the training master. They went up on a small stage. The swords were nice, they were dulled so not to kill someone, but sharp enough to hurt. Sam had the advantage: She had a lighter sword.

The 'battle' went on and on. Sam and Jack were evenly matched. They switched tactics: try to confuse or surprise the other into making a mistake. Jack tripped, and fell forward on to Sam, making her drop her sword. Jack also dropped his sword. He wrapped his arm around her neck in a headlock; try to push her to the ground. Sam leaned forward, and flipped Jack over her back, pushed him to the ground, put a knee on his back, and grabbed her sword. She put it gently to his neck. Jack was mumbling something about steroids. The crowd cheered. She won.

A few weeks went by. Sg-1 got used to the taste of the moonshine, Sam was as good at Elvin as Jack, Daniel was happy, Teal'c and Jack were getting along great with everyone. Daniel was best in languages, and Sam beat Teal'c and Jack at archery every time, and could win ½ of the matches.

One night after supper, Daniel and Teal'c left first. Sam and Jack walked off towards their room, but slower. They stopped at the window they had stopped at on their first night in Middle Earth. There were three chairs that looked semi-comfortable. They sat down, and started talking. They had a lot of stuff to talk about. After awhile, they were joined by someone unexpected; a man, with long white hair, and a long robe. Sam was disturbed: she sensed a goa'uld in him. He likewise, sensed Jolinar in her.

"I am Sou'ka, free goa'uld. The queen told me that some travelers traveled through the Chapa'ai, and that you need my help to get home."

Sam was confused. "Free goa'uld? How can you be free?"

"I do not try to kill others for power. I help anyone who needs any, and turn none away. The last time I was forced to kill someone was many years ago, Lord Sauron, a goa'uld who thought he could take over, by using a chemical that changes you over time, in the shape of rings. I destroyed them all. Is that enough proof?"

SG-1 was going to be happy: they could finally go home.

The next evening, they approached the Stargate. Sou'ka looked it over, and replaced a crystal. SG-1 thought about what all had changed: SG-1 was closer, stronger, wiser, and, in Daniels' case, more tanned.

There was a company of Rohiram: They had all made a lot of friends. Jack, Sam and Teal'c had been given each their own Rohiram sword, made of pure silver.

Sam punched in her GDA code. Jack told Hammond through the radio that he had better have been taping the Simpson's for him.

The whole SGC was happy to see them, but no one wanted to get close to them. They all smelled really bad. They were told to report directly to the infirmary. Fraiser couldn't find anything wrong with them, so she told them to enjoy the showers.

Janet went to talk to General Hammond. She told him that they should have some time off, but they could return to the active duty list. Hammond smiled. His people were the same. What he didn't know was the fact that they all missed the shower's so much that Sam didn't bother for the guys to have there showers first: She went into a different stall and closed the curtain. SGC personnel were worried for a bit: near the locker rooms, there were sounds of a weird song being sung. Jack had a habit of singing in the shower, and the fact that all of his team knew the song meant they joined in.

A few week's later, Jack got a call from Wal-Mart: His photos are ready...

A/n: do you think this need some kind of sequel? Plz r&r


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